[MHml] Boating, a mental disorder?

[brian eiland]

Boating, a mental disorder? 


DIVINE MADNESS

As a marine professional - one who prepares wood, then applies varnish to so
called pleasure boats - I have written to the President of the American
Psychiatric Association in the hope he will include a new mental disorder in
the next edition of their psychiatric bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical
Manual (DSM).

The little-understood affliction is called Recreational Boat Ownership (RBO).
RBO is characterized by some anal retentive/obsessive-compulsive behavior, the
use of strange words to describe common structures, objects, and actions,
clearly illogical spending habits, and a nearly-perpetual state of denial.
There is no known cure.

The obsessive-compulsive nature of RBOs is exhibited by their Sisipheon
attempts to keep things "shipshape." It involves the anal retentive use of
numerous - and sometimes noxious - liquids and solids to almost constantly
clean and lubricate various boat parts. And RBO sufferers uniformly label boat
parts with names even stranger than doctors call body parts. As a mental
health professional, you'll be shocked to learn that to RBOs, a 'wall' becomes
a 'bulkhead', a'ceiling' becomes an 'overhead', and the toilet becomes,
simply, a 'head'. Any group which sees their heads as toilets definitely needs
help.

Sailboat owners - a subculture of RBOs - are among the worst. They constantly
demonstrate classic passive-aggressive signs by not sailing directly into the
wind but avoiding such a course with sly manipulations they call tacking. They
become models of self-victimization - with traces of a persecution complex -
when they encounter no wind. They call that state 'in irons'. And they show
their grandiosity by terming bow platforms 'pulpits', and motorized yachts
'stink pots'.

Nowhere have I seen such mental illness as with the people who hire me to
prepare and varnish their objects of dementia. Sure, after spending reasonable
amounts of good money to have me carefully remove the old finish, finely sand
the underlying wood and apply coats of high-quality varnish for an amazingly
beautiful finish, they say things like "Great!" "Looks better than new!" and
"You've got a true art for restoring neglected wood." But they're only fooling
themselves. For at best, an RBO sufferer - like all mankind - can only
temporarily conquer the elements.

RBO victims are not in total denial when it comes to their illogical spending
habits. Many call their vessels "holes in the water into which you pour
money." Yet they keep buying them. And they keep demonstrating their psychosis
- their complete loss of touch with reality - by enjoying them. It's proof
positive the whole lot is masochistic.

This is why I petition you to list RBO in your next edition of the DSM. At the
least, it will make the millions of RBO sufferers eligible for medical
benefits under the Americans with Disabilities Act so they can get help. 

Many have, instead, spent their last penny getting their latest RBO fix. For
these clearly touched souls act out Plato's maxim, listed in his Dialogues,
when he opined: "But what is man's logical reasoning, compared to the power of
divine madness?""



Fredric Alan Maxwell aka 'Fred the Finisher' 
Copyright 2006 by Fredric Alan Maxwell. All rights reserved.
(I met Fred yesterday morning at a coffee shop in Wash DC, and he gave me
permission to place this on the forum. Brian)